Open for Progress!

1938 … Ah, those were the days! Back then, when you wanted to drum the faithful out of town, you could simply smash the windows out of their shops and make them wear yellow badges so they were easy to identify and persecute. Unfortunately, those tacky Nazis went way over the top and nowadays, effective tactics such as these are frowned upon. What’s a forward-thinking Progressive to do?

Luckily, the Forces of Light™ have been hard at work on a modernized update to this technique. If you can’t make backwards Christians post yellow crosses on their businesses, you can still “out” them; just get everyone who isn’t a hateful clinger to post their allegiance to Progress! Thus the good, pious, star-bellied sneeches will know which businesses to patronize and which to shun and ostracize.

Right-thinking folks in Indiana, frustrated that an imminent religious freedom law might give Christian business owners the liberty to refuse participation in sinful ceremonies and while remaining in business and out of the re-education camp sensitivity training, have come up with a handy little sticker for PC shop windows. In an epic self-awareness fail, the sticker’s creator, Josh Driver, explains, “I think it’s important to have some type of designation that says I’m going to be able to come in here and not be judged for who I am or what I believe in.” (It’s worth noting that all the targeted Christian businesses have always served gay people and often hired them as well; the owners simply refuse to participate in a ceremony they see as a perversion of a sacrament. The horror!)

The obnoxious sticker looks like this:




Here at the Right-Wing Riot, we like to offer options for people who just can’t bring themselves to conform to the Progressive Borg. Below are some alternative stickers. We encourage readers in Indiana (and anywhere else this faithist fascism rears its ugly head) to print them out and slip them onto shop windows just over the offending “I’m a good person!” badge. Then grab an anti-racism latte, find a comfy park bench nearby, and enjoy the scene as hilarity ensues.

ImprovedSticker-1 ImprovedSticker-2

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