Could today’s Feminists be any more Victorian? Swooning onto their fainting couches, they concoct fantasy after fantasy of being ravished by big, bad, strong – irresistible – Republicans. With pounding hearts and moist loins, they beat their tiny fists helplessly against their attackers’ rock-hard chests, but to no avail. They are taken, good and hard, but against their will, of course! No properly raised, respectable feminist would ever give herself willingly to one of those cruel, heartless, (manly, hot) men of the right.
I think we all know what’s going on here. No one has worked harder than the feminist to discourage and destroy manliness in our culture, and understandably, no real man will have anything to do with her. Sure, she has Pajama Boy in her bed, but he just isn’t doing it for her. Why doesn’t that chiseled, masculine, maddeningly aloof man over there want her? By the goddess, he will want her!
We women on the right love being women. More than that, we love being feminine women (when the mood strikes us). And we love men – big, stinky, strong, decisive, hot, Republican men.
Feminists see our men and they are envious. Sure, they want to be she-queen rulers of the world and force men to hand over their nuts, but they also secretly want real men to desire them. Unrequited lust has been the catalyst for many an unfair legal action throughout history, and today’s “rape culture” witch hunts are no exception. “If I can’t have you, no one can!” feminists fume within their subconscious minds. And so they not only deny themselves the pleasure of a real man in their beds, they attempt to destroy the happiness of couples who embrace a “patriarchal” (aka super-sexy-satisfying) relationship.
From Lena Dunham’s fantasy lover, Barry, to Sabrina Rubin Erdely and “Jackie’s” UVA Frat Boy Varsity Rape Team, the detailed, hysterical accounts of compulsive Republican lovemaking are both vindictive and titillating … but they are also untrue. Time to call this faux-rape reporting trend what it actually is: fanfic. And that is just so sad.